He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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