So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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