still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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