I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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