we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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