If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.