I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
