You smell like stripper and shame
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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