why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
why is half of my head shaved?
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