thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
