Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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