oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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