P.S. I can't hear my feet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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