I hate your face
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
