I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
