Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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