oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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