apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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