I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
