Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
