ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.