So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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