i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap