Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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