Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
