I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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