he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
