How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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