I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
