when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
