i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
