Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
