Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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