Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize