You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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