Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
