You smell like a Billy Joel song
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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