My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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