He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
