I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
