just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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