are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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