She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
