mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
