I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
