Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize