I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
