OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
