Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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