I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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