How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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