I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
