I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
