Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
