I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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