I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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