You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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