I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
