I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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