DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
