I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
