So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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