found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
