I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So squirting runs in the family.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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