The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
