you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
