They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
