I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
