Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
