I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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