we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize