Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
