You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'