Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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