Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
